Finding out the heart is deceitful beyond your wildest dreams

After several days of Mr. Hyde out roaming the streets, today Jekyll showed up for work.

I finally had time to think about everything that has been happening in the last couple of weeks. I’ve just spent the day doing some work, but looking for guys that I could chat with and thinking about sex. Of course the adult site I joined is filled with guys like me. I’m sure that’s how they make their money. None the less, I’m a member and it fascinates me to see how many married guys my age that are in the same boat I’m in. I have no clue where their relationship stands with the Lord, but I just know there are literally thousands of married men like me that are struggling with the same issues. The main issue for me is oral sex. I want to give oral sex to men. Most of these men want the same thing. for sure, they want other things I want nothing to do with, but the oral sex is one of the driving forces that have them on there.

I could within minutes find a guy close to me and meet him at a time and place of choice. I could get all the oral sex I want anytime I want. Oh the miracles of the Internet. When I was in school, you had to make an effort to locate an adult bookstore (if you could find one) and actually get in your car and go there. Of course the “hunt” was very exciting as was the score. But today is different. Its a few mouse clicks and viola there on the screen in front of you in high definition is anything you want in any size, shape or color. The Internet is truly amazing!

I’m still trying to sort out my heart. Obviously it is screwed up big time. But can I take heart that God is with me? Yes I can. Do I believe He will work this out? Yes I do. How He will do that is yet to be determined.

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