Learning to grieve losses – Part One

I have a wonderful counselor/therapist. She is one of the smartest women I know in the ways of relationships and in getting people in touch with the Lord. (The fact she is also one of the most beautiful women I know doesn’t hurt a thing either). One of the things she has been working with me to implement is grieving my losses. I don’t do that well. A person who has spent so much time fighting has learned to protect himself from more and more pain. I don’t like pain and have assiduously avoided it over the years. It seemed natural to me.

But I took this position to the extreme. As I progressed along the lines of physical maturity (I’m getting older) i noticed I didn’t invest myself in things that could cause pain if they died, lost or the relationship went south. I gave up my interests in sports. I used to be a rabid sports fan. Not anymore. I don’t watch much sports. I didn’t watch the world series last year and can’t at this time even tell you who won or even played in it. The reason I don’t? To invest so much energy into sports opens you up for very painful losses. I lost some championship games in the 1980’s that are still painful for me. I have no investment in the people I’ve known over the year. Another way to put it is this: There is no one I’ve known that has died that I care to ever see again. There just isn’t anyone.

This has bothered me extensively as I began to see it. I sat back and asked the Lord about it. As He began to show me areas where this was true, I was struck by the fact I don’t know how to grieve. I just shut down when the opportunity is presented to me, I simply shut down.

My counselor told me I need to process through grieving the loss of my sexual years. I can’t get them back and I don’t know what to do to calm the volcano that seems to always be boiling just under the surface ready to erupt at the wrong possible moment.

Matthew 16:24 (MSG) {24} Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how.

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