How will the Lord fill this gap in my heart?

23:11 It’s no secret I’ve been running from sexual addiction issues for so many years. I found in the last year though that I simply can’t run anymore. Not only that, sexual issues from WAY back have surfaced and I’ve caved in and ‘acted out’ as Patrick Carnes would say.

This morning, I spent a couple of hours just asking the Lord questions about why I am where I am. I listened to some new musical group I hadn’t even been aware of until yesterday. ‘Gregorian’ Is a unique group and they have a really good mix of sounds. I heard them do Clapton’s classic “Tears in Heaven” and I simply broke down. I’m thankful it happened early in the morning (06:00 AM) so I didn’t bother my wife. During this time the Lord showed me event and event and event where I experienced rejection and rather than face it, I buried it. This isn’t just when I was a kid, but spread out over time even up until the last few years. I saw it. It made sense to me. It’s a complete embarrassment to me to admit it, but sexual rejection has been rather commonplace.

Now, I can’t buffalo the Lord. So I laid it all out and I asked this question with sincere honesty?

Lord: how do I allow YOU to fill the gap here in my heart? How do you fill this obviously most important gap in my life?

I don’t know, I honestly don’t have a clue!


5 thoughts on “How will the Lord fill this gap in my heart?

  1. Sometimes I want to respond to your posts but I don’t want to seem like a know it all. I certainly do not have all the answers. But I will say this as you continue to ask God He will give you the answers. Yesterday I had to ask him again about something and before the day was out I had my answers. Keep seeking Him my friend God will answer you.

    • Thanks for your encouragement. I’ve NEVER been good in communicating to people what is going on inside, especiallyi sexual things. The reason I started the blog in the first place was so I could put down on paper what was going on deep inside and if anyone else wants to comment, perhaps I will learn new insight. Being a Christian and suddenly having homosexual issues and other sexual issue arise at this stage of my life is disconcerting at best. Please don’t hesitate to comment at any time, your thoughts are welcomed!

      Hyde (Sometimes Jekyll)

      • Okay. Well you might be sorry you said that lol.. I can tell you this. FASTING is the key to breaking down the flesh. Though I can’t say my struggle is the same, I definitely know that flesh is flesh and starving it kills it.

      • I’m going to start fasting for sure … TOMORROW! (Just Kidding). Any suggestions on a good resource to help me start? What do you think about Rick Warren’s book, “The Daniel Plan’?

      • I am familiar with his material and I think it’s good. I personally do the daniel fast. It the only one I can do since I am a diabetic. I would highly recommend Jentzen Franklins book Fasting: Opening the door to a deeper, more intimate, more powerful relationship with God

        Yes, I have had a lot of tommorrows too. lol Not to boast, but just for encouragement, I am on an extended daniel fast. Will be praying for your success has you embark on this journey. You will have to live a fasted life, so just accept it. (don’t mean to lecture) 🙂

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